When Reality Hits You Like a Freight Train

I've had a week to process the death of Ralphie May. It hit me like a freight train. Not because I was such a fan of his work (I was, and am, a fan), but because he was the same age as I am. And he died. Of cardiac arrest. I know he made a living making fat jokes and laughing at himself, but I wish that someone had been there to encourage him to live a healthier lifestyle, like I was lucky enough to have. He probably surrounded himself with enablers, those who would rather give him what he asks for rather than what he needs. Those who would tell him what he wanted to hear, rather than help him face a tough reality. From personal experience, it’s not a fun conversation to endure, but seeing a loved one end up in the hospital with oxygen tubes (if you’re lucky) or in a casket (if you’re not) is even less fun to endure.

In the weeks leading up to his death, he was suffering from pneumonia and at his last performance, he couldn't walk up the steps leading to the stage. When you have to exert that much energy to do so little activity, there will be difficult times on the road ahead. I know. I remember those trips to the mailbox that had me short of breath. Life is tough enough as it is, why must we make it harder on ourselves by not taking care of the one thing that will be with us through our entire lives: our bodies?

Contrary to what society tells us, we don't have to be skinny, but we should be healthy (BTW, skinny people can be unhealthy, too!). Please, all that I ask of you, my friends and family, is to take care of yourselves. Drink water, move throughout the day, do other things that help you stay in my life longer. It really hit home when I thought about where I could be if I hadn't been encouraged to live a healthier lifestyle. If Ralphie May's death can cause just one person to live healthier, than his sudden loss will not be in vain. His fans, friends and family will feel that loss, but I hope we will all learn from it, as well.

I've included a picture of me in 2011 and him in 2015 (I claim no rights to this image). It's scary that we really weren't that different.

Running Off the Road

Sometimes it happens. Sometimes you run off the road. You know how to drive, after all, you've been doing it a while. But something happens and it completely derails you. This interruption can be as simple as one wheel grazing the shoulder or as complex as totaling the car into a tree. Either way, you've survived the ordeal and need to be sure you aren't afraid to get back behind the wheel.

For me, I think the answer is pretty obvious! It's been over a year since I wrote anything. Yeah, I hit the tree! But I have been trying to get back on track. The key word here is TRYING. If I really wanted to get back to it, I would just do it, no trying about it. I haven't been at my best for a while now, as there's been a lot that's been going on over the last year. I won't go into details, because it doesn't really matter, whatever I said, it would just be a list of excuses.

Those excuses are done. I'm back! I've been doing some things right, physically, but mentally, it has been a challenge. I'm ready to get going again. I will need to make some changes along the way and that might include this blog. I've always done it from a driving perspective, but I don't know how many more car metaphors I have in me. So you'll have to forgive me if I veer off that path on occasion and just use this space as a way to get my inside voice, well, outside!

If you're still here and have been waiting on me to get the hell out of the rest stop, thank you! I expect that by the end of the year, I will be in a better place and it will be because I've rejoined the Road Trip!

Sometimes It's More Than Just a Road Trip

I’ve always thought if I could go somewhere exotic, I’d have a chance to sit in a little café somewhere and think up the next great American novel…or more likely the next (better) 50 Shades. Either way, I’d be doing what I love: traveling and writing. Then I found out I was scheduled to go to Barcelona for business! What better way to test my theory. And you know what? It worked. I realized one reason I’ve been in the “donut tire” lane for my blog lately is that I haven’t really done anything worth discussing, writing or road tripping. I’d become so monotonous, that I’d lost my inspiration and why I started this journey. The reason for writing was to remind myself why I was trekking the first place. For a while, I felt like I’d said everything that needed to be said or did everything that needed to be done, and I was having trouble connecting with the part of me that was enjoying the stops along the way. Life interrupted my train of thought. Hell, life derailed my train.

Getting outside my everyday routine, and the borders of the country, helped me realize that there really is more than just getting up and doing the same thing every day. I enjoy what I do for a living, I’m lucky that it’s not something I dread doing every day when I get up in the morning. However, I still have to take time to do what I love. And I love to write. I’ve been trying to write a novel for a few years now and keep getting sidetracked. I think it’s because my heart knows it’s not the right story. The blogs, while I’ve been told are enjoyable, sometimes feel forced and I’m letting myself and others down with what I end up posting. It’s possible that with the life-changing news our family recently received about Bonnie that I’ve come to understand I am supposed to tell her story.

Life is a journey. I get it. That’s about the most cliché thing that anyone can say. But how else would you describe it? When you start, you have no idea what lies ahead, you have to make last minute decisions that may, or may not, send you off in the wrong direction. When you get lost, you have to figure out how to find your way back to the main drag. Face it, life is a whole lot like going someplace you’ve never been. When you keep doing the same thing over and over again and you’re looking for a new experience, well, that is what they (and by “they”, I mean Albert Einstein [allegedly]) refer to as “insanity”. We all have limitations (money being the #1 limitation), but a lot of times it’s fear that keeps us going in circles. Tomorrow is never promised, of that I am more certain more than ever. Just get out there and start driving. You never know what adventure is awaiting.

When a Detour Becomes the New Route

Oh, hi. I know, you all feel like I've been neglecting you lately. Well, I actually feel the same about myself. For the longest time, I was solely focused on me...and then somewhere along the way, it changed. I'm working on that refocusing stuff, but in the meantime, I've been put on a major detour. And I'm not talking about going down a side road, when you want to go through a major intersection, I'm talking about being rerouted to Hwy 41 when you know you're supposed to be on Interstate 75! 

While I will always struggle to keep my vehicle on course, sometimes what's going on outside the car is a little more important. Recently my Aunt Bonnie (one of my biggest Cheerleaders in my weight loss journey) has been diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme. Basically, it sucks. And it has given me the opportunity to reevaluate everything that is important in life. She is only 12 years older than I am and she is the youngest of her sisters. What is happening to her absolutely sucks, but what I've learned over the last several years is that once we put our minds to something, there is no road block that can keep us from our destination. Things won't be easy and, as her husband, my Mom and Aunt April can attest, they are already challenging, but it's amazing what the support of family, friends and total strangers can do. Life is the most uncertain of things that we wander through and at a second's notice, the life we once expected can be turned on its head. Never get comfortable in the driver's seat, you never know what hazards lie ahead.

While I usually make this blog about my experiences, I thought it was a good time to get Bonnie's story out to the world. There is a lot of shit going on right now and we could all use some good news. Bonnie is the queen of spreading happiness and good news and anytime you can help share her story, we are grateful. Now, if only we could hear good news of acceptance from Duke's Brain Tumor program. But if that's not written in the directions we are currently following, we are just going to have to re-write the directions.

If you are interested in hearing more about Bonnie's GBM battle, can donate or would like to spread the word, please click HERE.