Driving a Convertible

So, now that I am less than a mile from my destination, it's just dawned on me that I am driving a convertible now. While I may have started in an armored tank with no windows, I am now in a top-down, wind-in-my-hair convertible. So, in the beginning, I was closed up to the world and not willing to talk about me or my situation. Now, however, people approach me all the time and ask questions and want to talk to me about the success I have had over the last 2+ years. What is even more surprising is my willingness to answer the questions and the excitement that I feel when I discuss my journey. Just yesterday, I was interviewed by a local news station so that I could tell my story and help encourage others to start their own journey. It is amazing to think that I have not only physically transformed, but have emotionally transformed as well.

The thing about changing from a tank to convertible during the road trip is significant because proves just how far I have come in this trek. It's not about a flashing neon sign that says "look at me, look at how wonderful I am", but rather "look at what I have accomplished. If I can do it, so can you." If sharing my story entertains, encourages or otherwise enlightens someone, than I will consider my mission a success. I started losing weight to be healthy and now I do what I do because it's fun (yes, Bonnie and April, aliens have indeed snatched me from above). I started this blog because I needed an outlet for the emotions I was feeling, now I do it because it's fun.

Being in self-preservation mode—riding around in a tank—did keep people from peering in at me, but it also prevented me from looking out at the world. Now that I've got the top down and cruise control set to my destination, I am able to see the beauty that is out in the world. It's really a shame that I didn't allow myself the opportunity to take-in my surroundings, but it's never too late to start enjoying life. What good is it to be young if you aren't experiencing anything life truly has to offer? On the flip side, who cares how long you've been on this planet as long as you are enjoying every second you are alive?

As I mentioned, I am nearly at the end of this odyssey. Of course, with any long road trip, you eventually have to get off the expressway and on to the side roads. That not only signifies that you have to slow down, but it also means that you've almost made it. Me, I know that I've almost made it and I can't wait to get out and stretch my legs a bit. I also can't wait to see where my next adventure is going to take me.

Nothing Can Stop Me Now

You know when you get so close to your destination, that nothing will stand in your way? You need gas, but you have enough to get you there; you need to pee, but you can hold it; you need to rest, but you’re wide awake? Well, that’s where I am right now. I am so close to my goal, I can feel it. The end is in site. I have been talking about the end of this road trip since the beginning. I knew the day would come, but I find it hard to believe that day is in site. As much as I would like to speed ahead and get there faster, I know that I still have to maintain the speed limit. Nothing would suck more than to get pulled over  and delayed at this point in the journey. No, I have to keep doing what’s gotten me to this point— stay the course.

I have been on the road for so long that it just has become second nature. And really, when I think about it, I feel that’s why I've been successful. I didn't do anything crazy, I just lived. And for all of the living that I have done over the last 2+ years, there is no reason to change anything now. If I show up to the dance with the Prom King, why would I change partners at the last minute? I wouldn't, I would (and should) stay with the one who brought me to the Ball. This is the life I am living now. My old life is the past, and chances are good that I didn't have much of a future had I stayed on that path. Things are different now. I am different now. I just need to keep moving forward. I realize that theme has surfaced many times here, but it’s true. Why would I want to stay in one place, when the world around me continues to move? 

Sometimes, as I think about this journey, I’m reminded of going to my Grandparents’ house on Lake Lanier. GA 400 used to end at their exit (or was it that their exit was at the end of 400?) Whatever the case, I knew we were getting close to the exit because I saw the flashing caution signs. I knew that the road would be ending soon. But you know what? We got off 400 and went on another road. That’s what this road trip is about and what the future holds. The orange flashing lights are in site, but once I get there, I need to exit and get on another road. Who knows where that road will lead, but who cares? The future is a blank page, an unwritten book. It’s about damn time I sat down and put some words on that page!

Thinking Back, Looking Ahead

So, as I sit here thinking about what the future holds for me (for instance, hitting my goal in about 5 pounds), it dawned on me that I really should take a few minutes to reflect on how the journey has been, so far. The road sure wasn't easy, but as my new favorite saying goes: if it’s easy, it’s not worth it; if it’s worth it, it’s not easy. What I've discovered over the past 2 years is that just because something is difficult doesn't mean it’s not enjoyable. Really, wouldn't life be terribly boring if everything were simple? Where would the feeling of accomplishment be? Where would the feeling of victory be? Facing a difficult task and kicking it’s butt allows you to savor that victory even more.

When I started these road trips (both the WW program and this blog), I wasn't real sure how I was going to keep them interesting. For the program, how was I going to stick to it and be successful? For the blog, how was I going to keep coming up with new and fresh ideas to keep you, my faithful readers, entertained? Now, I have intertwined both legs of this journey into one, larger course. I stay on the plan because I want to keep writing witty and interesting blog posts and I find interesting and witty things to post because I’m successful with the plan. I like to think of it as a virtuous cycle, rather than a vicious one.

As I close in on my goal, I've got to work harder than I ever have in my life. What I have been doing has worked  so far, but I have to give just a little bit more of myself in order to find that higher gear. The end of this particular road trip is near, but that just means that I get to start another one, soon. I've never really given much thought— at least until 11 months ago, when I sat down to write my first entry— to the fact life really is a series of road trips. After you finish one, you start another. I wish I had realized that earlier, not that I have any regrets, I just think that I would have looked differently upon some life events. 

OK, back to that reflecting thing I mentioned earlier— it’s no secret that I've lost over 10 stone (yes, that’s British!), but this isn't just about what I've lost, it’s also about what I have gained. One thing that I have gained is knowing that I shouldn't stare into the rear-view mirror, just merely glance. The past is about learning from what you've lived and the future is about living from what you've learned.

Here's Your Sign

Everyone thinks that driving is easy, that it doesn't take much thought. In my opinion, it doesn't take much conscious thought, but it does require brain activity and since most of us have been driving since we were about 16, all of our actions are second nature. We sort-of go on auto-pilot when we get behind the wheel of the car. That can be a very dangerous way to drive. When you do that, you miss a lot of things along the way. Some of the things you could miss may seem unimportant, but I bet there are plenty of important street signs and landmarks that are missed on a daily, repetitive drive. It is important to pay attention to those street signs, especially when it’s a drive we could probably do with our eyes closed. As almost anyone who has ridden in a car with me will tell you, I have a habit, not necessarily a bad habit, but a habit none-the-less: I tend to read, aloud, street names. I don’t know why I do this, although I have noticed my Mom does it, so I can only imagine where this activity originated! It’s funny, I’ll be driving down the road, alone or with passengers, and if I pass a street name, I just say it out loud.

 

My point in sharing this random tidbit of information is that sometimes it is important to read those signs and know where you are. I think that often times, we are presented with signs that we ignore because we already know the path we are taking, so paying attention to the signs is probably a fruitless task. However, those signs can actually help us get back on the right track. For instance, before I started my journey, there were many signs my body was giving me to tell me that I was not healthy: I didn't want to know how much I weighed, I refused to look at myself in the mirror, I didn't want my picture taken, my knees hurt, my back hurt, I got winded after walking the shortest of distances, hmm, I could go on and on about all the signs I ignored, but I think you get the picture. There are probably some signs I missed altogether because I had blinders on and didn't feel the need to see anything other than what was in front of me.

 

Then the day came where I finally decided to take off the blinders and I realized that I should have been reading those street signs all along. Who cares if others think it’s a peculiar habit?  That little idiosyncrasy keeps me focused on the task at hand. It is important that we pay attention to the signs, because they not only tell us where we are, but if there is danger ahead. Would you really ignore a sign that said “Bridge out”? Probably not. So why ignore the signs of the Universe? Soak in your environment, pay attention to the journey and just make sure that you read the street signs aloud as you continue down the road.

 

I will share with you a cosmic sign that I received just yesterday— I was catching up on Dracula (I’m seriously behind on my TV watching right now!) and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers’ Dracula (or Alexander Grayson, as he is also known) said to a young ingénue: “When it comes to dreams, one may falter, but the only way to fail is to abandon them.” Now, normally I would halfheartedly acknowledge the quote and move on. However, on the same day, Weight Watchers had posted a Confucius quote: “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” So, in the words of Bill Engvall...here’s your sign! Now, it’s up to you as to whether or not you will heed it!

Obey the Rules of the Road

The other night, I was catching up on one of my favorite TV Shows —Elementary— and Jonny Lee Miller’s “Sherlock” said something in regards to his own recovery from drug addiction that really hit close to home: It’s all about structure- recognizing what is working and sticking with it. And it was like a light came on, Angels started singing and I had a “d-oh” moment all rolled into one. Structure is foundation. I know, I told you it was a “d-oh” moment! I've really been thinking a lot about the meaning of today, not only because I need to give thanks to those who inspire me, but also because I have to make sure to maintain my structure. I have to think about what has worked over the last two years, make sure that I continue strengthening my foundation and not fall back into old habits. Now, that’s not to say that I can’t enjoy my self...believe me, I've got some “Santa’s White Christmas” ice cream with my name all over it! But, I have learned that there are more important things to life than eating just to eat.

 

Eating nourishes my body so that I can go outside to walk and enjoy the gift of another sunrise, eating nourishes my mind so that I can sit at my computer and come up with insightful, sometimes snarky, but (hopefully) always entertaining snippets of my journey. On the other hand, eating doesn't mean that I gorge myself on carbs and sugar because I've nothing better to do, eating isn't the sole focus of my existence, which is tough to admit on a day seems to be all about food and just how much of it you can eat. Structure helps me keep my eyes on the road and avoid (or at least navigate with a certain deftness) the potholes that are along the way.

 

Think about this the next time you are in a car. Why do you use a blinker? Why do you drive (close to) the speed limit? Why do you wear your seat-belt? Why do you drive on the right side of the road (here in the States)? Because those are the rules of the road. You know that if you want to safely arrive at your destination, you must follow the rules. Now, I understand that not everyone plays by the rules, but I bet those people follow more rules than they realize. Why? Because life is structured. If a building doesn't have the right structure, it falls. If a person doesn't have the right structure, he’ll fall too.

 

Just remember, you will be challenged when your structure is disrupted. Challenges don’t have to be huge, sweeping changes, they can be minor tweaks that take you out of your comfort zone. Think about going to Great Britain and driving over there. The concept is the same, but the rules are different. It doesn't mean it’s harder or easier, it just means your structure and your thought process will have to be different. Adjusting to the new rules will help you continue to succeed, not adjusting will probably land you in trouble. The best thing you can do for yourself is obey the rules of the road, no matter where the road takes you. Just don’t let yourself get stagnate, because stagnate is boring.

 

So, on this Thanksgiving morning, I want to say that I am grateful to all of you who have been reading and following along on my Road Trip! Thank you for letting me tell my story! And thank you to my friends and family for being in my life and keeping me entertained while I am on my Road Trip!

Keep Moving Forward to Get Where You're Going

I’ve never driven a big rig, so what I’m about to say is going to be pure speculation. I would think that if you are on the road for endless hours in a day, endless days in a week and endless weeks in a month that eventually, you would start to see and hear things that aren’t there. If there are any truck drivers out there to confirm, or clarify, my suspicions, I welcome the correction. The reason I bring this up is because after being on this road trip for over two years now, there are times when I question my sanity and if I am doing the right thing. Then, something really cool happens: a phone call out of the blue to congratulate me on my success, a perfect stranger hearing about my journey and asking me questions, or— and this is truly telling of how far I have come— my new-found desire to reach out to others who are trying to start their own journey. There was a time where I could barely speak to small groups of people, now I am more outgoing and willing to share my story. I don’t generally like to talk about myself, but I’ve found that people are curious, fascinated even, by what I have to say.

When I was overweight, I hid behind my inability (or rather, lack of desire) to lose weight by saying that “tall or short, fat or thin, blonde or brunette, I’m the same person. If people don’t like me, it’s their problem, not mine.” And to a certain extent, that is a true statement and still holds water. However, what I have discovered about me is that even though I still have blonde hair and blue eyes, I’m still the same height as I was before, I am not the same person. And it doesn’t really have to do with being fat or being healthy (I don’t like the word thin because A) I’m not and B) it’s not an accurate description of a human body. Air is thin, fabric is thin, paper is thin, hair is thin...people are not!), but rather it has to do with being comfortable in my own skin. I just have a better quality of life all the way around and it is due to a healthier lifestyle, not just losing weight. Yes, it sucks that we are a country obsessed with skinny celebrities, but skinny can be as unhealthy as fat (I know, I shouldn’t use the “F” word! Margie the Magnificent would probably scold me.) I can’t wait for the day in America where “healthy” is the look of choice for cover girls and runway models rather than grown women masquerading as 8-year old boys. 

So, yes, I often times wonder if being on this road trip has made me see and hear things, twisted my train of thought. But then I realize that what has really happened is that my reality has changed and my view of the world is different. Long road trips will do that to you and you really only have two choices: hold on and adjust to the curves in the road or stop the car and wait for things to calm down. Me, I’ll hold on for the ride, it’s much more interesting than sitting on the side watching other people pass you by. 

Don’t let life suck the life out of you, keep moving forward or you’ll never get to the end.

I'm Worth It

I was talking with someone the other day and I was telling him about my journey. During our conversation, I had to go back to the very beginning. I hadn’t really thought about that day in a long while. The day of sitting out by the water, the day of scarfing down a huge hamburger and fries and a beer or two. That day was sunny— September in Florida, you can’t beat it— and I think the pelicans and seagulls were craving the fries as much as I was. I still remember how the mood instantly changed. We had all been joking and kidding, probably about the fry eating birds, and then in the blink of an eye, the conversation turned serious.  

As I said in “Starting the Journey”, my family was concerned for my health and my well being. In fact, they were so concerned that they were willing to pay the extortion fees that are required if one chooses to have gastric by-pass surgery. That they were making me this offer was both shocking and eye-opening. But the thought that permeated my brain was this: I’m not worth it. I’m not worth the one zillion dollars (ok, it’s not that much, but it might as well have been) they were willing to sacrifice for me. Now, I’m sure in their eyes, I would have been worth one zillion and one dollars, but I didn’t feel I was worthy or deserving of their offer. So, I turned them down. I told them that if change was going to happen, I wasn’t going to take the surgery route, I had to do the hard work on my own.

So now, if you fast forward the journey just a bit, two years to be exact, I’ve learned a lot. A lot about what I can do, a lot about who I am and a lot about who I used to be. But, by far, the most important thing I’ve learned is that on that beautiful September day, at the restaurant on the water, I was wrong. I am worth it. I’m not saying that I’m worth a zillion dollars (I mean, really, c’mon...I’m worth at least twice that!) No, what I’m saying is that I am worth the love, the concern, the care and the fear that my family went through in order to have the heart to heart conversation that they had with me that day. It changed my life. Hell, it saved my life!

So, I guess you are asking yourself how this fits into my “Road Trip”. Well, actually this reminds me of a little pull-off on along 515 between Jasper and Ellijay in North Georgia...it’s just a little ramp along the side of the road for people to stop and get out of their cars in order to really appreciate the beautiful mountain scenery that surrounds them. For me, this scenic view pull-off is to allow me the opportunity to thank those who have encouraged and inspired me along the way. I wouldn’t be who I am if it weren’t for those who surround me. I may not have taken the offer, but I still can never repay them for what they've given to me.